Getting Through Relationship Struggles

Whether it’s friendship, love, marriage, money….it’s all about ‘the relation you share’ with that object of your focus or ‘how you’re cruising/ sailing/ flowing with that which you have a relation to’. 

Firstly, you are a relational being. With someone or something, you are relating in some way…even if it means with nature…there is something in that energy field that draws you close to it/ has attracted your interest and attention so, don’t be sorry for not always wanting to be there when ‘people’ expect you to. 

Secondly, however you relate to what is around you is really a reflection of the relationship you share with yourself. Often, conflicts are your cues to let you know what needs to be worked on within or where you may not be addressing an issue with yourself. For example, lots of persons experience conflicts in their love relationships and the fight for what is right or wrong takes over. However, the fact that they are not grounded in is that the other person is human just as they are- with their own way of thinking and behaving which may not always be in ‘alignment’ to what they want/ expect. We all come with our own baggage/ programming. There is a ton of stuff that forms our automatic behavior that we are not conscious of because they come from childhood programming. With exposure to information every day, we are triggered in different ways to know ourselves….and it may be through another person rather than our spouse/ lover. This doesn’t mean your partner is cheating. It just means that your partner is finding him/her self through someone else. As much as it may hurt you, the significant other, your reaction/ approach determines the extent to which that new relationship develops and the control your partner has over him/her self. Communication is key!

Every single person is susceptible to this. We connect with those who we need to connect with to evolve. Now attachment is a different game changer. It causes the hurt/ pain that we perceive if we’re not emotionally intelligent and it can bring out the controlling side of us that can cause that significant other to distance themselves from us. For example, the more a woman accuses a man that he is with a female friend, the more his mind will drift to entertaining thoughts of that friend and the more he’ll feel drawn to that friend- eventually having a different relationship based on how much he really knows himself and has self-control. 

The problem is, we do not study ourselves enough to know our needs and wants. Our brains, bodies and roles are constantly changing and so, our thoughts and feelings are constantly changing. An individual’s evolution is not the same as their spouse and this is one way in which conflicts manifest. We are not able to understand each other to that extent of growth that we judge and accuse each other based on what ‘we think is right’. Additionally, with very new role we undertake, we set new goals and see ourselves in a different light. Whether this is accepted by our partners is a different thing based on the level of communication we have going. 

The bottom line is: the conflict that we face in relationships is telling us about a conflict we are experiencing with ourselves and the need for more mindset growth in the changes that we are experiencing. Simply put, if you know your worth and values, you will be able to identify easily when someone else threatens it and thus, communicate effectively with that person. 

The drama and emotional rollercoaster is really not necessary. For this reason, I always advocate: ‘know yourself’. Do the inner work so you know how to make yourself happy as you keep relating to people and things, and accommodate uncontrollable changes in those people and things. Get emotionally intelligent and start respecting each other’s evolution because whether you like it or not, your partner is evolving and so are you and, there is a high possibility that one of you is evolving faster than the other so being more open minded is needed for the relationship to prosper. I can only say this from my very own experience of changing roles in my years of evolution. A mom, wife, child, sister, teacher, coach, manager, counsellor, friend, whatever role…they all brought new experiences and different triggers that helped me to find myself and grow. It’s so much easier treating life as your personal discovery channel and knowing your worth- rather than going through the automatic behaviors and dealing with conflicts. You prosper in so many ways with conscious living and mindset training and, the unimaginable really becomes possible. It’s a whole different game. 

Know yourself to help yourself relate better with people and things. There is a solution to every single conflict you experience