One of the misconceptions I have been hearing lately from clients is that ’emotional intelligence should make you emotionless or protected and free from negative emotions’….so, why isn’t it working?
It’s not working because emotional intelligence does not do this 🙂 If it did, you would be a robot! According to Daniel Goleman, there are five aspects to emotional intelligence: self awareness, self regulation, motivation, empathy and social skills (see https://positivepsychology.com/emotional-intelligence-eq/ for more info.).
Addressing each aspect helps an individual to cope with triggers from the environment that is meant to teach them about themselves- what you are capable of thinking and feeling, and how you can deal with that with a healthier mindset. Things are not expected to be ‘easy’ in our world. But you can choose to welcome more ease with an improved mindset and being aware of how to deal with triggers from the external environment. Making emotional intelligence a priority in your life ‘prepares’ you for a better quality of life, not eliminate negative thoughts and emotions altogether. How?
1. You are preprogrammed when you born into the world. You have karma from previous lives and you have knowledge from prenatal care.
2. The people in the environment you born into, programs you with their mindset at an early age.
3. Society and institutions you are exposed to, program you as you interact with them- the government, religious bodies, schools, etc.
Therefore, your mindset is a combination of the people you surround yourself with daily. This is not a reflection of your reality/ true sense of being. It’s living from the outside in In doing this, you will feel triggered by people and situations from time to time. Misunderstandings will arise and emotions will spiral out of control…with the purpose of awakening you- to bring out that oneness and closeness to infinite intelligence or to be your true/ authentic self. It is the only way to shake you and force you to change what you have been accustomed to all your life- to help you to tap into your true potential and allow your inner light to shine. There will come times when you feel as if you are not being heard/ seen and no one is understanding you or loving you for who you really are. That’s because you have neglected your true sense and have become dependent on the environment you are dwelling in to define your thoughts, feelings and behavior. Living from the outside in rather than the inside out.
Emotional intelligence is the bridge between these two situations. It helps you to decipher what is real and what isn’t. What is authentically yours and what isn’t. It helps you to own your power.
Additionally, because we are social beings in constant interaction with people and, going through various situations, emotional intelligence helps us to ground in an improved state of being and the values we truly hold, as our emotions are triggered. The point of trigger is what really tells us what we need to know about ourselves that we may have missed in improving our state of being and/or what we need to heal within. It helps us to get clear as we rework the programming we received from our environments when we had no control over them, and, be a better version of ourselves. A great example/ trigger is the process of parenting.
When parenting a child, we have tons of ideals of who we desire to be, what we would like to teach the child, what we would do differently from those we were exposed to etc. However, the actual process of parenting can be overwhelming and erode all of those ideals- especially if you have more than one children around the same age to deal with. The fight becomes one of managing time and energy, the children, the environment and ‘the programming’ you are giving. It can be intense. Personally, I know this. As emotional intelligent as I am, I still react with negative emotions from time to time. I have my moments and that’s because I do not know ‘everything’ about the programming I received as a child but as I grow and face various situations, I become aware of that programming. I become aware of the thoughts and subconscious beliefs that make up my blueprint and then I make a conscious decision of what I want to let go of and, what I want to replace it with. If it weren’t for those triggers and the situations I face, I wouldn’t know what existed within me. It is because of emotional intelligence that I have such a brave approach to an improve mental state too, and I know that I can deal with anything that comes my way even if I react negatively initially.
So, the bottom line, emotional intelligence does not get rid of your negative emotions and you are not a ‘failure’ if you react to situations with negative emotions. Staying in the rut is what defines you. Emotional intelligence gives you the tools that you can use to revive from those negative emotions faster and help you to foster a positive forward momentum.
Get clear. Get aligned. Get results