Sparing Yourself The Trauma & Cost Of A Divorce

? “Every 13 seconds there is 1 divorce in America.”

? “60 percent of all divorces involve individuals aged 25 to 39.”

? People are divorcing in the US because of:

“Lack of commitment- 73%”
“Argue too much- 56%”
“Infidelity- 55%”
Among others.

(Wilkinson & Finkbeiner, 2019)

? Today I was asked by someone, “how do you make a marriage last given the high level of divorces that are taking place in the US nowadays?” ?

? Now, I’m a life coach specializing in mindset. The first thing that crossed my mind was, ‘If you put the expectation of a divorce in your vibration, it will manifest somewhere along the lines.’ ?

Nonetheless, I was moved to check the stats? and found the ?.

Surprising but yet not. So, there are a few pointers I give to clients if they come to me before marriage and need guidance ?.

? 1. Life is what you make of it. Make yourself happy and know what makes you happy, before promising to make someone else happy. Otherwise, you will be figuring out what makes you happy on someone else’s time and energy and that will cause you to argue. You will be perceived as ‘selfish’.

? 2. Choose your battles wisely. You don’t need to respond or react to every word or action. Sometimes it has absolutely nothing to do with you but what happened before your partner saw you. Get emotionally intelligent and know your value so this doesn’t toy with your emotions and lower your esteem. You have the power to restore balance in your partner by remaining balanced.

? 3. Choose to communicate objectively often. If you need to prove a point, sign up for a debating competition. Then, you are clear to each other that you are arguing to win. Otherwise, there is nothing sexy or stimulating when you nag. There will be no growth or solution to the issue if you compete when sharing your thoughts and feelings. So respect each other’s mindset. Tell each other when they are reading your intentions wrong. You judge each other based on your unique mindset and experiences, remember?

? 4. You are not marrying for love only. Love will not pay the bills. Unconsciously you are looking for more. Get clear on the reasons why you are marrying him/her. Don’t tell me it’s love only and you will struggle with him/her to build life together. This is not the time of your great great great grand parents. Even they had vision anyways. So do some introspection and if you really want to struggle, life will make you struggle. 

? 5. You are not marrying the person only for the success they are today but also their outgrown versions. You are marrying their karma, mindset and childhood programming. Get to know yours so you can identify which aspect of them is talking to you, especially during disagreements. Their karma may show up in health and finances, their mindset may show up in conflicts and how they handle them and, their childhood programming may show up as they parent your child. Those who are conscious, know it. Those who are not, go through the motions. It doesn’t matter how much you meditate, your subconscious will play out when the triggers are there. So get conscious of your subconscious and keep talking to each other for support and accountability on what you want to change as it shows up.

? 6. Everything that happens in your home does not need to be talked about to mommy, daddy, aunty, uncle. They will turn into complaints and ground you in your misunderstanding/ lack of knowledge. Not only that, you will influence people’s perceptions of your partner and they will disrespect him/her later on. This hurts no one more than it will hurt you. You will feel pressured to choose but what do you expect? You broke the bond of support and respect they had with your constant complaints of the smallest things. Plus, the more you talk about the negatives, the more you will grow to believe that version of your partner and you will automatically respond to that version only. Fess up and deal with it with each other. If you need to broadcast it, you are also trying to prove that you are better than your partner. If you need to prove that, then you are better off by yourself. A marriage won’t succeed if there is power imbalance and constant disempowering attacks on each other. You are both humans learning and growing in this school called earth. Support each other as you help each other to become better aware of yourselves and bloom together.

? 7. Be yourself. Stop pretending. Let your partner know the real you. If they don’t believe in what you do, don’t expect them to or try to change them. Respect each other’s pace of growth and decide if you want to facilitate someone else’s growth to this level, without losing your sanity or becoming emotionally abused. Don’t marry the version you think they will be, marry who they are now.

Bottom line? Get emotionally intelligent and know yourself before trying to know anyone else. Loving another is an awareness in itself of your need to feel loved. Work on self love, you will spare yourself the trauma and cost of a divorce.

Need help? Get a coach

Wilkinson & Finkbeiner (2019), Divorce Statistics: 115 Studies, Facts And Rates For 2018, retrieved from:

1 Comment

  1. Your post contains useful information and thought-provoking ideas. Thanks for sharing your knowledge and expertise.

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